Dear Brain
by LIVEalittleLOVEsome
Summary: What happened to that quick wit and charm? And damn you brain, I used to be a bloody perfect bloke before you went all mental on me. Lily, Scorpius, and others takes out their frustration by writing to their brain.
1. Lily

Hey Brain,

It's me Lily. Thought I would stop by and say 'hi'... and let you how stupid you are.

I don't even know why I associate with you anymore. I mean honestly, think about it. Oh wait, you can't since you're so stupid. And you just made that awful attempt at a joke; I can't deal with you.

I mean, let's start off with the little things...like the fact that you refuse to cooperate with me. It happens during a Charms exam, or any exam, really. I want to pass, I _really_ do; but all of a sudden, you start thinking about how fanciable Teddy is, and honestly that is not acceptable. It's not acceptable during that specific time or any time. He's way too old and I'm way too young and that just can't be legal _anywhere_.

Generally, you can't concentrate anywhere on anything for more than twenty minutes. That's a problem, and you need to fix that. Now. Mom's already lecturing me about my bad grades (James delightfully informed her) and I don't need to be lectured because of _you_. Merlin.

Well, brain, there is just way too much to yell at you about. Let's start with your obsession with Lily. No not me, Lily. But _Lily. _Lily Evans. Grandma. Yep. That one. Why do you compare us all the time? I hate it. I'm my own person. I don't need you to reprimanding me every freaking second.

_Lily_ wouldn't curse.

_Lily_ wouldn't get get a T.

_Lily_ would have been a Gryffindor.

_Lily_ would be nicer to everyone.

_Lily_ would have at least _one_ guy who fancied her.

Merlin, brain, that is enough; if you are incapable of accepting me for, me Lily _Luna_ Potter, screw you. (Well not really, because, well sometimes I need you.)

And it's just that you're so damn insecure and it's starting to get to me.

Yes, I know Rose has Scorpius.

And Victoire has Teddy (is it necessary to always make it sting when I hear that?).

Dom has whoever she wants, and she's too damn perfect; athletic and girly; rebel and prefect.

Lucy has Lysander and Molly has Lorcan (it's not _that_ weird).

Roxanne has her perfect muggle boyfriend back at home, and he's absolutely gorgeous (just like her).

And brain, I know all of this, I do. Why is it necessary to be so horrible to every single one of them? Just because you are incapable of happiness does not give you the right to feed of off other people's pain (even if you are a Slytherin). So stop that, now.

Okay, well, that's it for now. Try to clean up your act. No don't try, do. We'll have another chat later.

Always, Lily

(Yes, brain, I understand how cliché that is)

* * *

This is just a new idea I had. I might continue this whenever I have time, either with Lily or other characters.

Let me know if it worked, or if you have a character request or something.

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think. :)


	2. Scorpius

Brain,

You're absolutely the stupidest thing in my body. (This is from Scorpius, by the way, I know you're too stupid to figure _that_ one out). Anyway, we all would be better if you just left as the hell alone. Honestly, just go. Go. Leave.

I mean, don't understand what happened to you. Please. Enlighten me. It used to be a lot different. Do brains go through puberty too? That would explain a lot.

I used to be able to have bloody normal conversations with girls without you going mental. What is the matter with you? Contain your awkwardness and insecurities, because I did so much better without any of it. Just stop.

What happened to that quick wit and charm? And damn you brain, I used to be a bloody perfect bloke before you went all mental on me. I mean I didn't overuse my talents; I was smart and all the girls fell for me. (Brain, stop contradicting me! Merlin, I hate you.)

Okay fine, that isn't _completely_ true. But I really had to add some over-exaggeration for my own amusement. Can't I just do that? Merlin, brain you are no fun.

Okay fine. I hate to say it but I wasn't _completely_ perfect. (There I said it. Happy now? No, I am not writing details. Do I look like a bloody bird to you? This is brain-pressure! I will report you, if you don't stop your—Merlin, I'll write details, calm down.)

I mean, the occasional zit would pop up on my face and every bloody person in the castle would notice before _you_ remembered to look in the mirror. Then _I_ have to rush to the closest Ravenclaw and beg them to put a concealer on it.

And intelligence, contrary to popular belief, does not come naturally to me; I (and when I say I, I mean I) actually have to study for hours (hours as in minutes)to get an O in _anything_ (except Care of Magical Creatures— because let's face it, Hagrid loves me).

I didn't shag girls and ditch them. We went out for a few months and it naturally came to an end. I don't know whose spreading those man-whore rumors around school (but between you and I, let's not worry about it too much).

Wow, you just completely went off on a tangent there. You really need to work on your short attention span, brain.

Anyway...back to girls. There isn't one in particular (I'm not sure why I just wrote that, brain, because you know, there might-possibly-maybe be a girl in particular). No, why would it be Lily (just because I thought flower doesn't mean—okay it's Rose...you can stop thinking about her like _that_ now).

See, you can't even stop. I swear, you are the most bloody stupid, obvious brain in the entire brainverse! (Really, brainverse? Did you just come up with that?)

Every bloody person thinks _you_ (I) fancy Rose. At least it's not obvious too her (because she's too stubborn to listen to gossip).

Just, brain, I cannot deal with you. Maybe, I don't know, you can at least _try_ not to be such a bloody screw up. Yep, that would _definitely_ be beneficial.

Okay, well that was productive. I'll write again when I'm procrastinating another transfiguration paper.

Scorpius

* * *

Thanks for reading, and it would be wonderful if you told me what you thought. :)

And are the parenthesis too much? I know some people hate them, so I'll try to limit them (I know, I use them too much). ;)


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